Nerve Endings

I do not want to have children. This is not being said by a person who is trying to rebel against some sort of traditional lifestyle pattern (although the idea any sort of traditional family system is outdated at this point, but that is another rant). Nor is it some sort of knee-jerk, juvenile "OH I HATE KIDS" thing, although in my youth I have been guilty of that. The fact is, I do not think I would be capable of being in charge of another human being, I am almost 30 years old (good god that is scary) and as of now I barely have my life together as it is. I spent most of my 20s fucking up at life and dealing my own personal demons, which I am still working out now. And it is expected of me to reproduce because that is what is 'normal?' No. Just no. I need to do what I need to do to get myself to where I want to be in life, and that is scary as fuck.

I do not hate children. I have an almost 1 year old niece, and I fucking love that little girl. I love being an uncle and giving her toys and helping her as she grows into a little human being. But I have also seen all of the things that my sister has to do to take care of her. And how patient she is while my niece is being fussy, crying, screaming, etc. All of the responsibility that goes with it. And then I think about all the things she'll have to deal with as her daughter gets older, all the things that a parent has to do to try and mold their child into a proper kind of person. And I don't think I could do that. I don't think I have the ability to be responsible for raising another human being.

I know I am not alone. I know there are plenty of others out there that have no desire to have children, but alas, it is not considered normal. But this is how I feel. And I am tired of people thing I am weird because of it. I am tired of hearing the same lines recited to me over and over again. The one that irks me the most being "Oh you'll feel different when you actually have a kid." THAT LINE PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF SO BAD. It assumes that I will be stupid and irresponsible enough that I will eventually have an OOPS moment and knock some chick up. Well guess what? I KNOW WHAT FUCKING BIRTH CONTROL IS. This may be a regional thing, because apparently no one in this town knows what a condom or the pill is. People get bored, fuck, reproduce, then go collect their welfare check. They live their mediocre lives, living in poverty, but content with themselves cause they passed on their family line, because apparently that is the most important thing that anyone can do. Well fuck that.

Not everyone wants the same thing out of life, and I'm tired of feeling like I am the weird one because my goals in life may be different from what is considered normal. In this day and age, there is no such thing as normal. I can only do what makes sense for me.